Surfacing . . . (Sort Of)

Surfacing . . . (Sort Of)

Oh my god have I had Covid. I don’t do anything, it seems, by halves. And I have really truly honestly wow had Covid. In fact, I am still sick, groping my way through the fog of post Covid lassitude, total lack of energy, and for lack of a better name to call it, brain-fog-woo-woo. Finally, I did test negative, but I feel as though I’m walking underwater, and certainly thinking underwater, which means not thinking clearly, or much at all.

Granted, there’s the Parkinson’s, plus I was a moronic smoker for years so have a (fortunately mild) case of COPD. Still, I have never experienced anything quite like this, except perhaps coming out of anesthesia after surgery-—but then that didn’t last as long as this is lasting–which is horridly daaaaaaaaays on end, niiiiiiights on end… I don’t know if this qualifies as “long Covid” or slow recuperation or just being dotty, but it definitely is like being stoned–yet without the fun: no helpless laughter, no wit, no puns, nothing. Indeed, it’s been difficult to even find the strength or focus to read. To listen to music! Even to watch television or follow old movies clutching my iPad and the Criterion channel. It’s been hard to do anything except sleep, wombat fashion, and then nap again between the next stretch of sleeping. After which it’s time to doze, only to nod off a while later.

This went on for days. It was pure hopeless Macbeth: “tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day … ” What’s more, the attendant depression and feelings of hopelessness that accompanied it made me in fact care less about anything like a day after tomorrow. Then, at last, yesterday, the miasma curtain lifted a tiny bit, and I could spy a universe outside.

I’m so grateful! Grateful that I had had all of the shots and boosters, and will continue to, and so grateful for Paxlovide and other treatments I was able to avail myself of. I’ve had so much clear soup that I’m ready to float away. I’m grateful for the privilege of good medical care, and terrific family, dear friends, and great colleagues who put up with this for what is now over three weeks.

I am grateful to you readers, for your patience and forbearance about my having vanished from posting, suddenly and with less explanation then would have been expected – except that I was simply incapable of making an explanation. Tried. Couldn’t. Astonishing lassitude! I’m still remarkably weak, with legs like overcooked noodles, an aching rib cage from coughing, and that overwhelming desire to nap again. Everyone tells me this will pass. I certainly hope so, because if not, I’m on my way to Zombiehood. Thank you for hanging in there.