Fiction imagines itself across genres: historical fiction, science fiction, realistic fiction, etc. With some subjects the only place you can tell the deep truth is in fiction—and this year's presidential race qualifies. So, the novelist part of me has decided to invent a new genre, ELECTION FICTION, making its debut here. The names have been changed to protect the guilty—although Drumpf actually is the real family name of Donald Trump, changed from the German to Trump by his immigrant grandfather. Everything else, you understand, is pure fiction.

Dear Millennial Voter, For starters, how nonsensical is the label "Millennials" to describe a group of people ranging in age from 18 to 30. Seriously? Still, I have to break through a personal barrier of fear writing this, because of my horror at you maybe thinking I'm that parent or grandparent wheezing "I had to walk 6 miles to school in the snow without shoes so listen to me because I know what you should do." I don't know what you should do—only you can discover that. But I do know it feels really crappy to see people whose intelligence one respects possibly make a mistake one made oneself once. It's like having learned a simple skill or trick and being excited to pass it on so others won't have to learn it all over again in their lives. And that's not just bullshit manipulation. It's how civilization progresses. So I've got to crash through my fear of your disapproval or dismissal, and write to you as frankly as I would to my contemporary adults.